:(

I feel sick every time i hear about my old best friends moving out with their boyfriends and how they have their dream job at 19. I feel like i'm dragging so far behind everyone. Every time someone talks about their lives, i get all jealous and sad. I know where i want to be in life at the moment and i continually try to do all i can to get there but its all out of my hands. As much as i am excited to go overseas i think im making myself do it because i need to change how i am. I need confidence so badly because  the lack of it is why i am where i am right now. Thank god i have traveling to tell people about, because i'm always getting asked what im doing with my life, and without traveling i have nothing. I work in a painful retail job with people who treat my like im a stupid little kid, i spend the majority of my time out of work at home because i dont feel comfortable being around people. Too be honest the only times i have felt happy this year has been when i've been watching live music, or when i've been drunk. I hate my life, i hate myself, and i hate that im the type of person that would write this on a blog.